Heyy, how are you?
Before we dive into today’s blog, I want us to take a moment and breathe…
…Inhale…
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Exhale……
…Inhale…
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Exhale……
…Inhale…
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Exhale……
Okay, now that we’re a little more into our bodies, let’s dive into today’s conversation.
I’m going to say it with my whole chest, my entire chest, there are way too many illiterate people out here parenting.
Too many emotionally stunted, emotionally dunce people out here raising kids.
And before you come for me, saying, “You don’t have kids, you don’t get to speak on it.”
It is because I don’t have children, and I’m always an outsider; I always have that bird’s eye view.
I was also an educator for five years and spent more time with your kids than you did so STFU and listen.
Okay, my bad, I don't mean to cuss but I do want you to hear me out.
I have lived a very diverse life, not only did I work as an educator in this matrix but I was once a First Responder, so yes I've always had that veiw.
You know, that view of how people exist across the spectrum of their human development.
And I’m always, like, dang, you have so much work to do with your emotions, you should not be responsible for helping these young, these tiny, humans evolve into their full emotional potential.
You have not grown past elementary, like, you ain’t had none, zero, nada, emotional development at all, but here you are,
fostering the emotional health of our planet's future.
This is why we have such turmoil going on today; this is why our planet is in crisis.
We’re here today because we have had generation after generation of emotionally illiterate people raising the next generation without doing the work.
It is no shade to anyone out there that have kids. I know it is tough.
It is tough, being a parent is a heavy job, but again, it is our job to mend our emotional neglect.
The literacy, the language, the education, the regulating tools, and all that our parents did not give us, we must seek out on our own.
We cannot sit at 35, at 45, at 55, at 65, and blame our parents for not giving us certain emotional regulation tools, certain emotional language, and processing skills.
We cannot keep blaming our parents for not providing those necessities, those resources, that we needed.
It is up to us to provide the resources, the education, all that we didn’t get, all that we weren’t fed.
It is up to us to do the work to fill in the holes and gaps that our parents didn’t have the means or capacity to do.
Because if we don’t, we are just going to continue having generation after generation of emotionally illiterate people.
Individuals who do not know how to process or regulate their emotions healthily, people who are harmful to society.
Our emotions, as humans, it is our compass, and when that compass is broken,
You end up with this fucked up world that we’re living in right now
I mean, it is a frightening thing to watch.
I know of young women, beautifully spirited young women, who are coming up, who are being raised by mothers with sister wounds, with mother wounds, with father wounds, mothers who haven’t done any work.
Women who haven’t done the emotional labour needed, the psychological labour needed, the spiritual labour needed, but are mothering young women coming up in this society.
A society that is already trying to stifle their light, and now they have their mothers' festering sores to add to it.
So many different wounds that are bleeding, that are oozing, that's causing them to parent from a diseased psyche space.
This is my offspring, this is my flower, this is my light that I am illuminating to the world, that I will protect, instead of treating their daughters like jewels of their soil, that sister wound jumps out and, you see, the jealousy.
That mother wound oozes, and now their daughters are responsible for their father's emotions and emotional regulation.
Now they have the role of being vigilant and making sure they’re saying all the right things; their emotional autonomy is now confiscated, and their emotional labour is given to patriarchy.
We need to do the inner work so we can tear down these murderous structures.
We have to create a container where women aren’t being raised to be emotional batteries, emotional punching bags,
a society where we are not raising girls to be emotional labourers for the menfolk.
(White) Men have not done any emotional labour for the past 500 years, and it’s because of us; we have been doing the work, while they bleed us dry. It is heavy.
We should not be responsible for the emotions of an entire species, its laziness, and it has to stop.
It is not our job to regulate their emotions. It has never been our job.
Their emotional illiteracy has trickled down, and it has been trickling down; it’s time we put it to bed.
And how we do that is by making sure we, as women, are emotionally literate.
By making sure we are raising emotionally literate kids, we stop gendering emotions, and have honest conversations.
We stop giving men passes for being angry and aggressive, we stop attributing it to masculinity, and stop expecting women to do, be, to gave her attention, to smile, to perform, or this person gets angry, our job is not to regulate anyone’s emotion
Our emotions are our responsibility, and men.
Now, I’m talking to you.
You were raised with certain privileges that have been damaging and detrimental to who you are as a being.
Balance is necessary; this balance includes all of us healing.
You guys need to do your work to understand who you are, learn how to regulate your own emotions, and set your own compass.
We gotta heal, because parenting the future begins with tending to our soil, it’s up to us to clean and nurse our wounds.
As a society, to heal, we have to start with the women in our society who have been bleeding and screaming bloody murder.
And women, if we are going to heal our society, it begins with us, it begins within us.
We are the ones that have to do the internal work, that have to see to those wounds; we are the healers, whether we like it or not, the healing begins in our home.
It begins with us not being labour whores for patriarchy, we stop competing for the male gaze, we stop competing for attention, and we stop putting each other down.
And, I’m gonna take a pause, and I’m gonna speak directly to white women.
The reason why these structures are taking so long and are so hard for us to dismantle, the reason why it is hard for the rest of us to dismantle these structures is because of you, white women.
It’s because of your insecurity, because of the work that you haven’t done, and it is very hard for me as a healer, as someone who’s always been boots on the ground.
It is hard for me to be in community with you guys when you offer support, and then your support is laced with micro and passive aggression, with predjudice and privilege, so it’s never truly support.
You smile, and you speak in a very soft tone, but you're saying some of the most malicious things, fawning ignorance, you use communication as a weapon.
Your words and tone have been weaponized for so long that a lot of you do it today instantaneously; it just comes out like that.
The minute that insecurity pecks at you and you feel like you need to compete for your husband‘s attention, your father‘s attention, you go into full spawn mode.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been in room and in mid conversation with white women, that I sincrely thought I was building healthy relationship with, and their partner walks in, and boom,
Out comes the random slut shame, derogation, or plain up offering my labour on a platter and it’s just like damn, damn, I guess that’s the lid on that jar.
I’m gonna pause here, but if you look around in our society today, we all have this, oh, it’s crumbling, I don’t know what the future is gonna look like.
I don’t know what view my kids are going to have in the future, so build it.
The future looks like what you put towards it, it looks like the nail, the hammer, the wood, and other materials that you put together today.
The ingredients you use to bake the cake determine the outcome and quality of it.
If your children are receiving a fucked up future, a crumbling cake, it’s because you haven’t done anything in this current time to build, to change, or to improve it.
Y’all want a better future, y’all want prosperity, y’all want peace, but that shit comes with work.
You can’t just want the house when it’s all nice and painted; no.
You have to dig the foundation.
You have to put your hands in the dirt.
You have to build it.
You cannot, time and time again keep expecting to just show up on a boat and have a pretty house built for you.
It didn’t work then and it will not work now.
Our society is in crisis, and this is not about matriarchy taking over; it was never that.
It is about balance, and balance begins with healing the feminine.
The wound that has been open, and bleeding, and oozing pus, and screaming bloody mercy for the last 1000+ years.
Its a wound that is killing our planet.
She has been screaming, and we’ve been ignoring her, and we’ve been ignoring it because we as women are wounded ourselves.
And for us to heal her, we have to do the work, we have to heal ourselves.
I have been in community with so many amazing women, women who have such great potential, and it tumbles down, because their wounds are leaking pus on the shit I am actively cleaning.
That jealousy comes out, that competition, and it’s just like you should never, I hate it when I see women out here expressing jealousy towards other women and even their own daughters.
It breaks my heart every time women slut shame their daughters.
It breaks my heart every time I see women telling, moulding, bending, and shrinking their daughters’ light to fit a patriarchal mode because they have not done the work to repair the damage of these structures that exist within themselves.
And so when I talk about emotional literacy, emotional intelligence, as women, it is our job to do the work and educate ourselves; it doesn’t matter how wounded you are.
It is up to you to mend your wounds so that you can stop dripping your pus into your children’s lives.
They deserve to live a full, emotionally vibrant, and healthy life.
We deserve a better future, and it begins with what we do today, with how often we put our hands in the dirt and we clean up, and we stop letting them.
That’s a problem I have with y’all, again, white women, I’m talking to you, stop fucking letting them.
I have worked with many of you;
Your husband disrespects you in so many ways, and you just let them.
Your sons disrespect you in so many ways, and you just let them.
Your brothers disrespect you in so many ways, and you just let them.
Your father disrespects you in so many ways, and you just let them.
You guys have been letting them for so many centuries, because you have always let them,
This is the MF'N cesspool we’re forced to live in now.
Stop fucking letting them!
Take care of yourself
Fae
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